Section One: Assets and Debt Retirement Balance · $122,600 split between 401k and Roth 401k. In college my first employer offered a 401k match up to 3%. While I had student loans I believe I only contributed 5%. After transitioning to a new company with a new match (25% of the first 6%) increased my 401k contribution to 7%. The firm then brought on a Roth 401k plan about 2 years after I started working there, so then I started investing an additional 8% in the Roth 401k.
· $22,350 in a firm sponsored pension plan. I don’t know much about this plan as it is managed completely by the firm. I became fully vested after 3 years.
Equity · This is probably the most interesting thing about my money diary, but also may be the most difficult for me to explain. I currently co-own one property with my fiancé (FH) that we own outright. Although we own the property outright in a legal sense, we paid for it using a Home Equity Line of Credit (HELOC), leveraging FH’s parents existing home assets to secure a loan, that was treated as cash during the home buying process. Benefits of leveraging the HELOC were that we could receive a loan with a lower interest rate than a mortgage, that we will also leverage the same loan in future planned construction for the home, and that we were able to close in 15 days which benefited us during the offer process as there was a competing offer. If we had a standard mortgage loan, our home equity would be roughly $229k, with $200k paid initially into the HELOC or what I would consider to be the down payment ($100k from each of us). Once home construction is complete, we will convert the HELOC into a 30 year mortgage loan. That will likely not occur until 2022.
· FH also co-owns another home with his brother that is currently a rental property. I have no legal ties to the property at this time and only have a general idea about the current equity and debt.
Savings account balance · $33k – this money is a combination of money reserved for existing wedding contracts, safety net, and the payment for our architect, engineering, and site plans for future construction on the home discussed above
Checking account balance · $14k – At the beginning of the pandemic, I was hoarding cash out of fear. Now I am trying to move most of these funds to the HELOC
Credit card debt · The average balance of my credit card seems to hover around $2000, however I pay my credit card in full every month so I do not pay interest on my debt
Student loan debt · None – My parents paid for my first 3 years of college (BS Economics) , and I paid for my last year using student loans (~10k) and paid the loan off in my first two years of my working career. At the time I was living with my aunt and uncle and directed a majority of my income to paying off the loan as quickly as possible.
OTHER · HSA - $4k – I come from a military family, who’s healthcare was 100% funded by the government. I have been in good health for most of my adult life and did not understand the benefits of HSA contributions until one of my friends, a former healthcare consultant, explained why I needed to be contributing the max contribution every year. I regret not investing in my HSA sooner, especially now that I have a baby on the way.
· Stock - $3k – I invested $3k into robin hood stocks, some are doing great, some are doing terrible, so I am pretty much at break even.
Section Two: Income I am in this odd middle space where I do not have combined finances with FH but we treat our money as shared. We divide certain expenses between us a bit arbitrarily, and do not monitor each other’s daily spending, but do discuss major purchases. Combined HHI is $235k.
Income Progression: · My first career after college was a business analyst on a helpdesk for a tech product. My salary was $45k. I stayed there for roughly 2 years and was promoted with a role change after 1 year to $60k. At the time $45k was probably under market rate for the area, so the jump to $60k felt like a huge increase.
· That company ended up in some legal troubles so I quickly sought out a lateral job change, and did not focus on trying to gain a promotion or salary increase. I still work at the same professional services firm that I jumped to, starting at $65k. I have been with them for over 6 years at this point, through 2 title changes, 2 relocations, and 2 org changes, now making $135k.
Main Job Monthly Take Home: · $6k/month ($3k paid out on the 15th and the end of month) after taxes, HSA, healthcare (medical, dental, vision), and retirement.
Section Three: Expenses Rent · $0 - We currently live with FH parents to save money for future construction. We moved in with them in August. Everything we save in rent and other independent living expenses goes towards our HELOC. Previous rent was $1900 in a HCOL city.
Mortgage · A follow on to the HELOC discussed in the equity section. We are only required to pay the monthly interest payment on the HELOC, which is roughly $900, however we deposit roughly $7k/mo ($3500/mo each from me and FH) into the HELOC, between rent from current tenants, and the categories noted above in the rent section.
Home owners insurance · FH pays for home owners insurance
Savings contribution · $0 - Since we already have quite a bit of money set aside for emergency, wedding, and architecture plans, and have no vacations planned for the foreseeable future, I will not allocate any more funds to savings, and direct and additional money towards the HELOC.
Investment contribution · $1600/mo for the retirement accounts discussed in assets. No others at this time. In May, I had about $100k in mutual funds, and then pulled all that money to be used as an initial payment to the HELOC. Once we convert our HELOC to a home mortgage, I will start investing in mutual funds again. I will need to pay taxes on gains this year, which I have not yet estimated, and am now cringing on the inside for.
Debt payments · I pay my credit card in full every month
Donations · After being hooked on
moneydiariesACTIVE for the past month, I am embarrassed to say that I do not donate regularly to a single organization, when I see everyone else being quite generous. It is on my to do list now to pick a charitable organization and start donating regularly. As for my one off donations, this past month I donated $10 to Wikipedia, and $100 and 14 inches of my own hair to Wigs4Kids.
Cellphone · $139 – I pay the cellphone bill for my mom, dad, and myself
Subscriptions · I mooch off of FH’s amazon and Netflix subscriptions, and from his parents HBO MAX, apple TV+ and, a relatives HULU. I just recently cancelled my free year of the Disney+ subscription through Verizon.
Car payment / insurance · $67 – FH and I share his car (already paid off), and I pay insurance for both of us since I get the best rate through USAA, a benefit of being a former military dependent
Section four: Other things: Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it?: · Yes, there was an expectation for me to attend higher education. My parents received their bachelor’s degrees in night school through the GI bill, and always talked about their life plans for us to attend traditional universities, and that they had money set aside for us to attend. I never saw an alternative path for myself, although my sibling decided not to attend university. ·
Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent/guardian(s) educate you about finances?: · Growing up I was under the assumption that we were poor, mainly because my mom would outright claim we were poor and weren’t able to afford things. Now that I am an adult, I realize that my mom and dad were huge savers and were only willing to spend money on the important things, such as their home, our education, and one vacation a year, keeping their budget really tight for everything else. My dad has been retired from the military for some time now, and all the saving that my parents did (+my dad’s military pension) has allowed my mom to retire early as well. I would call them good financial role models to look up to, but claiming we were poor growing up was a bit extreme, untrue, and probably unnecessary. As far as direct conversations about money, debt, and credit, my mom said to always save as much money as you can, reduce recurring expenses as much as possible, reconcile your credit card statements, pay off your credit card bill in full every month, and homes and mutual funds are the only good investments.
What was your first job and why did you get it?: · I worked part time at a clothing store folding clothes for 1 month before being let go because I was too young?? Apparently, the age cutoff was 17 but I was 16 at the time, not sure how they missed that on my application. I spent that money on a jr prom dress and prom ticket, because I figured my parents wouldn’t buy me one.
Did you worry about money growing up?: · Superficially, yes. I knew there would always be dinner on the table, but if I wanted to do anything fun, I would typically pay for it myself. I didn’t save any of my money high school because I paid for all of my extracurriculars. I also got into a car accident in high school and paid my parents back for the repair.
Do you worry about money now?: · I did not worry about money until we started this home construction process. I now worry that construction building materials are x3 the price they were before the pandemic and worry about what our monthly mortgage payment will be when we convert to a mortgage loan.
At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net?: · I was financially responsible for myself for 7 years. Starting at 23, when I moved out of my aunt and uncles house and got my own apartment and was responsible for all bills. As of May, I am no longer financially independent again, as we are leveraging FH’s parent’s assets for our HELOC.
· For a financial safety net, FH and I both have savings to leverage, as well as retirement accounts if we are very desperate. I do not consider my in-laws to be an additional financial safety net, because we are already leveraging their assets, and since my parents are already retired, they only have limited income every month.
Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income?: · Indirectly. My parents gave me $7k as a wedding gift, which came from my grandpa’s inheritance to my dad.
DIARY Day 1 · 8am - first alarm goes off, and my phone has fallen in between the mattress and the wall. Luckily I can fish it out by pulling the cord back up, and go back to sleep. I rarely get good sleep anymore as being pregnant is generally uncomfortable, so I usually snooze no matter how early I go to bed. FH gets out of bed at 8:30 for tennis, and I lay in bed strolling IG and reddit until 9am. At this point I boot up my laptop, eat two bowls of honey bunches of oats, make a single cup of decaf coffee, and get to work. When i say get to work, surf the internet for an hour before I even think of being productive, I have a light load for work this week. Yesterday was my birthday so I reply to a few bday emails from our leadership team. My director probably let them know late last week that my birthday was coming up, she's extremely thoughtful and makes it important that her team is recognized for both personal and professional milestones and accomplishments.
· Noon - Place an order with Kate Quinn for baby clothes. I just discovered her last week through a reddit post on gender neutral baby outfits, and she’s having a price point sale so everything I purchase is 50% off. 2 footie pajamas, 2 panda pants, 2 kimono long sleeve onesies, 2 knee high socks, 2 bibs, 2 large bow headbands, and a bunny hat. I have been really good with baby purchases, getting a lot of items second hand, but I really wanted to splurge on some clothes since this is my first baby and she will be born in the middle of winter. I’m making a lot of excuses for myself to justify my guilt in spending so much money.
$141I've also been sitting on a saks off 5th cart over the weekend. We just recently moved back to Northern Virginia and it’s a much colder winter than where we were living for the last 2 years, so I'm in the market for winter accessories. I have 3 cashmere beanie’s (2 for me, 1 for FH) and some leather gloves in my cart. Over the weekend, one of the hats goes out of stock, and the gloves are final sale, so I end up removing those as well since I have short fingers and don’t know if they are going to fit. I'm under $99 so I have to pay for shipping :(
$85 · 1pm – FH’s parents are friends with a restaurant owner, and FH dad regularly works on his network and security setup for his restaurant, so he is always sent home with food. We eat that for lunch several days a week. FH’s birthday present for me comes in, a Shark handheld vacuum inspired by Mrs. Hinch, an IG home cleaning influencer from the UK who has a gorgeous home, dog, and kid. I set it up on its charger.
· 1:30pm - My first YesStyle order comes in. I go through cycles where I won’t spend money for a month, then I just go crazy with online orders. It’s comprised of Japanese skincare and random face and makeup gadgets. I give them a test run, and my face seems to be getting softer as the day goes on but I could also be imagining it.
· 6:50pm - Dinner time cooked by MIL. I cringe on the inside when MIL talks about feeding Baby G the current fish we are eating, which happens to have lots of bones in it. Baby G will be her first grandchild so I know she's excited, but I also am headstrong and want to do things at my own pace and through my own methods.
· 7pm - new mommies group call, I talk about how my butt is getting so huge that I’ve had to size up 2 sizes in underwear.
· 8pm – I go back up to finish dinner. MIL talks to me about using her IRA for to self direct her funds for investing in buying rental homes. This is all new to me, so I ask a lot of questions. Still a bit confused when she explains that she will convert IRA company ownership to Roth IRA, She will probably have to explain this to me again a second (third, fourth, fifth) time, before I can fully absorb
· 9pm - I stay up too late binging Emily in Paris while FH watches football
Day 1 Total: $226
Day 2 · 4am - I wake up to my in-law’s Little Dog barking at the outside critters trying to steal our pumpkins from the porch
· 5am – Little Dog is barking
· 6am – Little Dog is barking
· 8am - FH gets up to play tennis but it's raining so he comes back
· 9am - I roll out of bed, cereal, and get to work
· 10am - I register at the hospital I will deliver at and sign up for a delivery introduction session
· 10:30am - The director on the current project I support just greenlit my idea for an incoming presentation. I am happy.
· 11am - I end up laying down because my back hurts, and contemplate purchasing a standing desk, but decide against it because my feet hurt more than my back usually.
· 1pm – It’s dumpling day for lunch! FH’s mom makes homemade dumplings in mass quantities for days when she doesn’t have a lot of time to cook lunch. I think her dumplings are delightful. She mentions we are getting low so I volunteer to help fold the next time she makes them.
· 5:30pm - I buy two maternity coats off facebook marketplace. I know this seems strange compared to my cashmere hat purchase from yesterday, but I know I can get 5+ years out of the hats (my oldest cashmere sweater at this point is 12 years old), but will likely wear these jackets for 5 months max, + maybe another 5 months if I have a second baby in the winter as well.
$10 · 6:30pm - I hinch (read: clean) around the basement for a little bit with the new Shark wandvac
· 9pm FH and I watch Home Before Dark on Apple TV+ and head to bed at 11pm
Day 2 Total: $10
Day 3 · 9am roll out of bed, cereal, work
· 930am I’ve gotten through all my emails so I take a mini break to put on some eyeshadow. I am not a daily makeup wearer but 2 months ago I subbed to
panporn and am now obsessed with the idea of panning some of my eyeshadow palettes. I’m still in my pajamas however.
· 11:30am I was extremely unproductive yesterday, and today we have a check-in meeting this afternoon so I am now finally crushing my work. My biggest weakness is that I am a procrastinator, but when I am up to a deadline, I always seem to pull through with really good work products that everyone generally seems to be happy with. Breaking the procrastination cycle seems impossible.
· 3:30 I periodically search for a particular single to double convertible stroller through google and second hand sites, and discover that Dillards is selling the double stroller for $100 cheaper than its single seat counterpart. I think the pricing is a mistake on Dillards part, as this brand almost never goes on sale, but I’m taking the chance of a cancellation for the discount. The in-laws wanted the stroller to be a gift to us, so it will be reimbursed. I'm pretty set on having 2 kids, so fingers crossed they are close enough in age that having a double stroller is still useful, but if not, I can sell the second seat on fb marketplace.
· 5pm We meet with an architect in the backyard to discuss her experience and things we are looking for in the home design process. Her quote is pretty standard compared to other architects we’ve interviewed, and we like her experience the best, so we ask her to give us a proposal.
· 7pm FH’s mom makes kimchi stew for dinner, which I really enjoy. I can be a picky eater at times so she has been experimenting with new dinner items for me to try. After dinner I clean the bathrooms in the basement but leave the showers for FH to clean since I can’t bend over very well anymore. After cleaning, I make myself a cheese snack of asiago and crackers. I really want some jam but can’t find any, so I attempt to eat my cheese snack with applesauce. Its absolutely horrible so I try to pawn the apple sauce off on Little Dog, who also hates it, so I make FH eat the rest. Apparently he doesn’t like apple sauce either even though he was the one who bought it, what!
· 9pm-11 Home Before Dark, sleep
Day 3 Total: $0
Day 4 · 9am roll out of bed, cereal, work
· 9:50am inspired by Sylvie from Emily in Paris, I watch a few YouTube videos on how to dress like a French woman as I get some work done. A few youtubers talk about simple beautiful accessories being one of the stand out characteristics, so I pull out a Nixon watch that I haven’t worn in probably 4 years, and then decide I need some simple earrings. I have a metal allergy so I need to go for gold or gold plated pieces. All of my gold plated jewelry is thrashed from over wear so I go Mejuri for some earrings. I love the mini hoops but I start to feel guilty looking at the prices so I close the site 10 minutes later.
· 10:50am I send my friend a picture of a vizcacha and we debate if this is what Pikachu was inspired from. We're pretty sure we've had this discussion before. I’m procrastinating on tackling a tough problem on my current project, so I take my firm's mandatory code of conduct training while I play in my makeup instead. I really like our compliance officer’s reference to the quote "trust is built in drops and lost in buckets" and index that in my mind for some project work I am supporting related to customer experience.
· 1pm lunch of assorted leftovers
· 330pm I get an email saying my saks order is here. There’s also a mystery amazon package for me, it’s a lotion set from my director, extremely thoughtful and will come in handy right away as its already dry in the mid-Atlantic. FH's beanie is too small but it fits me great so I’ll just keep it for myself since it was final sale. Also, break for popcorn snack! I bought a silicone popcorn popper a month ago and now just buy popcorn by the kernel. It’s panning out to be a really worthwhile purchase for the amount of popcorn that I eat.
· 4pm Today is payday and it’s also been 1 week since I transferred extra funds from my checking account to our HELOC, so I send the max weekly amount through Zelle. The more money we put into the HELOC now, the less interest we will pay.
$3500 · 5pm I decide I really need to work out. I was in a good routine at the start of quarantine with Nike workouts but then I got pregnant a few months in, and all motivation was lost due to nausea and fatigue. I procrastinate for another 30 minutes then get to it. Normally this is $29/mo but I cancelled my membership 2 weeks ago because I wasn’t utilizing it enough and am now just finishing out my last month of membership. After my workout I take a bath using a bath bomb that I received as a gift from one of my girlfriends.
· 7pm Eat dinner of assorted leftovers and putz around until FH to finishes an online test for his grad school program.
· 9pm We watch Bobs Burgers until 1030, and I talk about wanting to eat everything I see in each commercial during the show. Little Dog wants to sleep with us tonight so I set up a pillow at my feet for him to rest on. He leaves about an hour later.
Day 4 Total: $3500
Day 5 · 845 roll out of bed, cereal, work
· Noon FH’s parents venmo me money for the stroller, and I transfer my total venmo balance to my bank. FH’s mom is already talking about putting little dog in the second seat when she takes Baby G for walks. Little Dog will never walk again when he is introduced to the stroller, he hates going on walks. I renew my audiobook loan on Emily Oster’s
Cribsheet through Libby
· 1:50 Quick lunch of leftover fried rice and some ramen before I hop on a 2pm meeting. I am waiting on an empty conference line for 40 minutes. Apparently, I joined Wednesday’s conference line instead of today's, so I miss the meeting. That's really embarrassing, especially when I was prepared to meet and discuss some new content I created. I check in with the lead and he says no worries, I'll meet with them again on Monday
· 6pm We visit with Little Dog who is back from surgery for a benign tumor removal. He is looking very sad so he gets lots of pets from FH and me.
· 645pm I am sitting on the couch scrolling reddit and Baby G gives me a couple of swift hard kicks, which I am pleased about. I haven't felt some really hard kicks in a few days so I was getting a little worried. FH’s dad comes home with dinner from the restaurant where he helps out on the guys network. FH and I watch tv for the rest of the night.
Day 5 Total: $0
Day 6 · 730am - FH and I wakeup to get ready for tennis, but get stopped as we walk out the door by FH's dad saying they will be leaving to check on their rental properties and will take Little Dog. We insist that we will stay home to watch Little Dog while he recovers, so he doesn’t have to wear his cone of shame. Whenever little dog has to wear the cone he gets extremely sad. At first I thought they were being dramatic but he really does look so sad and refuses to walk around when he has to wear it.
· Noon – I order tacos and tortas from the local taco shop and drive over to pick them up.
$29 · 4pm – I eat my left over torta and some extra butter popcorn as a special treat. This leads me to skipping dinner at the dismay of FH’s mom.
· 10pm – FH keeps talking about McDonald’s but we settle on leftovers and some cereal and then play Among Us with friends on zoom until Midnight.
Day 6 Total: $29
Day 7 · 8am FH and I wake up to get ready for tennis and head to the tennis courts. I'm a beginner so FH just runs drills with me. My forehand is atrocious but my backhand isn't too bad today. We try to rally but it doesn't go well since I can't run very fast or very well anymore due to the belly.
· 10:20am I check my phone as I am waiting for a friend to confirm plans later and see that we have a meeting with our labor and delivery hospital at 10:30. We race home to hop on a zoom call.· Noon – We head to a local sandwich shop, and FH pays. The medical world at large says pregnant ladies shouldn’t eat cold cuts but I’ve read that if you heat meat in the microwave till steaming, it should kill off listeria, so I do that and enjoy my sandwich.
· 1:30pm - I head to a bagel shop in DC for an everything bagel and cream cheese as well as a chai latte.. I know I just ate but I can't help myself, I love bagels. I meet my friend at the National Mall and walk around for 3 hours, enjoying the sunshine and conversation. We attempt to fly a kite near the Washington monument but a piece of the kite is missing, whoops.
$13 · 530pm – FH’s mom asks if I could get us sandwich items for lunch this week and I am happy to oblige, I head to the grocery store to get assorted deli meats for lunch this week, plus a nice block of white cheddar and raspberry jam as a snack
$50 · 630PM – Dinner is home made hot and sour soup which is think is lovely. I putter around after dinner waiting for FH to finish studying.
· 945PM We play Among Us on zoom with friends and head to sleep at 11:30
Day 7 total: $63
Food + Drink $91
Fun / Entertainment $0
Home + Health $0
Clothes + Beauty $236
Transport $0
Other HELOC $3500
Lastly, reflect on your diary! Day 1 was a high spending day for me, with 2 out of the ordinary purchases however, the rest of the week was extremely low, so I would say this was a great week. Prior to purchasing our house, I was much less strict with my money. We actually did a 6-month assessment of all of our transactions before we started our home search, and found that outside of food and transportation to work, my biggest expenses were clothes, uber rides, and going out to eat and drink. As soon as we did that assessment and determined that we wanted to buy a home and do follow-on construction work, I stopped buying clothes completely. The pandemic also facilitated the change to completely eliminating uber rides and going out to eat and pretty early on in quarantine we also decided to get pregnant so we stopped drinking as well. I have started to buy some maternity clothes and baby gear out of necessity, but still feel I am making responsible decisions with my purchases. I feel EXTREMELY lucky that we had the opportunity to purchase our house and fund construction the way we are, as well as saving on additional costs by living with FH, so I am trying my best to be financially responsible and contribute as best I can while still giving in to small indulgences every once in a while.
Edit for maths and spelling submitted by Long post ahead. I appreciate if you read but I don’t expect you too. If it helps I put this into a reading-time calculator and it said five and half minutes.
So, where to start? About two years ago I first came across what being a transman meant. I’ve grown up in a small town, so hadn’t really known about trans people at all growing up, and if someone had said the world to me I would have thought they meant men dressing up as women. So, two years ago, I got very close to coming out to my parents but got sucked into a lot of TERF-y material and got so scared of being trans and detransition that I forced myself to stop considering it. I then started college (the two years from Junior to Senior year if you’re American) and was pretty depressed for my first term because I was unable to “come out of my shell” due to self-hatred. Now, after two years at college, I have found a few friends but my gender questioning has come back in full force now I’m not as busy as I was at school (I was organizing climate strikes and doing student journalism whilst studying).
I was just wondering if you could help. I am planning on seeing a therapist but don’t have the money right now and the NHS waiting list is too long. I’m also about to go university so want to settle before signing up to anything location-specific. I only know two trans people in real life and they're both non-binary so it's a bit of a struggle finding men to talk to.
Here is a list of things I consider “signs” that I’m male:
- Always choosing male protagonist in games from a young age, from lego figures to video games, especially The Sims
- I have very distinct memories of writing as a male protagonist in stories (this strikes me as important as I want to be a writer / journalist)
- I made a boy build a bear whereas my female friends made girls
- I used to cut out pictures of boys clothing (especially suits) from my mum’s clothes catalogue, but I hated clothes shopping with her
- I used to tell people I could change between being a boy and girl and that my name was really George
- I used to run and hide from having my hair brushed
- I hated my mum putting me in girls clothes skirts and dresses (I recently found a photo of myself in a skirt in the family photo album with the caption ‘[name’s] unhappy in a skirt!’)
- I nearly always played with “boys toys” (it’s a running joke in my family that my mum’s dolls are still in my gran’s attic) besides the “girls toys” my mum bought me. I remember playing with the “boy doll” included in this boat set though, and spending all my time dressing him up
- I always wanted spiky hair as a kid
- I have found pictures where I drew myself as a boy
- I asked for boy clothes
- Similar to the writing thing, whenever we played pretend as kids, I was a boy character. My neighbors and me and my brother actually had a multiple-year long pretend game with a huge backstory in which I was a boy
- In school we used to make shoeboxes full of toys to send to refugees and I always made boxes for the boys
- I dressed up as boy character for dress up and Halloween
- I have always been jealous of the boys getting to wear boys smart shoes and suits
- I was friends were boys when I got to “choose” (I had friends who were girls who were daughters of my mum’s friends)
- On the morning of my prom I had a panic attack
- I’ve never worn make-up and the thought of doing so makes me feel sick
- When I was six I made my mum let me quit ballet after two sessions
- I’ve always been jealous of my brother’s body. Despite me working out four times a week and him never, he’s way more muscular than me
- I relate to make characters in books more (and I do read books with strong female protags!)
- I cannot relate to girls very easily
I’m worried many of these things are issue regarding gender expression and gender roles rather than gender identity.
Here is some more implicit stuff than I’m not sure are expressions of dysphoria:
- I was always confused why people assumed I’d be way more frustrated at my flat chest than I was (for reference I’m pre-everything and pass without wearing even a sports bra, so I’m small)
- I’ve always envied boys legs? Couldn’t explain it
- I’ve always hated selfies and pictures of me. My social media has a few group pictures of me but it’s mostly landscapes and pictures of friends
- I’ve always felt disconnected from my body in ways I can’t explain
- I’ve felt alien from other people. I’ve read old diary entries of me writing stuff like ‘I feel like I am only half complete / I feel like I’m distorted somehow’ but not explicitly died to gender?
- I’ve sometimes felt weird when people have said my name
- When I had a girlfriend, I felt weird when people called me a lesbian (could just be because I’m bisexual)
- After year eleven (sophomore), I finally persuaded my mum (a hairdresser) to give me a short hair cut but it looked so feminine like an old woman’s haircut I just hated myself more
- Always hated voice
- Never worn bras
- Always hated tops which emphasized my chest like those cup collar ones or v-necks
- Always wanted more muscles than I can get
- Packing (with a sock, lol) gives me what I think is euphoria, as well as pretending to shave (with a toothbrush please don't laugh at me)
- People calling me “young man” and “mate” accidentally along with he/him pronouns doesn’t bother me / makes me smile and feel good
- Sometimes I get into funks where I literally hate everything I do and say despite people telling me they’re proud of me or I’ve done good
- Trans guy’s certainty make me envious
- I struggle with dissociation
- I’ve always felt an affinity with masculinity? As in, I admire women, I have no doubts about the strength of women, but always, emotionally, related more strongly to male characters? (Steve Rodgers/ Captain America stands out here)
- I sometimes purposefully make my skin cut and scraped to look more masculine (or just edgy who knows)
- I’ve constantly feeling something was wrong but not finding a “mental disorder” that fit after searching lists and lists online, other than maybe vague anxiety / panic
- I’ve found random diary entries of me writing “Why can’t I be a WOMAN” which strikes me as odd
Here are my concerns, things I think could be red-flags that I'm not trans:
- I’ve never had an issue with projecting future goals? e.g. I used to want to be a doctor and worked really hard towards that, now do the same with investigative journalism (however I could never imagine myself pregnant). Feel this could just be to keep me busy but I’m not sure. A lot of trans people have said they couldn’t envision any future for themselves
- I have a distinct memory of being in the car aged seven, being asked if I “fancied” anyone my a friend’s mum, and instantly saying a boy I was best friends with and just going along with being “in a relationship” with him throughout primary school (weird culture amiright). During this same time my mum made me be our town's "fairy queen" which meant I dressed up in a dress and sat on a carnival kind-of float. (small town UK is really strange).
- I’m not sure if my issues with disconnect from my peers and family could be due to simply having different political beliefs / interests to them. But I am equally shy with people who do share the same interests as me so again I’m not sure
- It’s really hard for me to assess how I felt about puberty because my puberty was never strong. I’m eighteen and I’ve only had about six “shark weeks” and didn’t start till I was sixteen. My chest is very flat, and I’m more hairy than most female-bodied people.
- I’ve never wanted to tear my chest off (but it is small)
- My dysphoria has increased after I've accepted that I'm likely trans. Now I'm more aware of "female" things I do, like my walk, and things about myself, like my height, as well as feeling more uncomfortable with female terms.
- I had more friends that were girls in first half of secondary school (middle school) and did more stereo typically female things
- Even though I feel sad, confused and subdued, I’m not going to kill myself because of it
- I’m able, for the most part, to focus on other things because of activism and journalism in my life. but, when I’m around other youth activists in person, the body stuff is a big deal
- I’m able to give speeches at climate strikes despite voice stuff
- I was able to play a female character in our school plays in year 5 and 6 (elementary school)
- I’ve always been good at and enjoyed swimming
- I don’t have like… male mannerisms? And I cry easily?
- I’m unsure if feeling good from working out is because I’m getting a more masculine frame or just be because exercise gives you endorphins
Thanks so much if you've got this far, I really really appreciate it. I've been mulling over posting this for a very long time and feel this constant dread at having to "prove" my identity with a heap of evidence but have finally decided to make some kind of a first step.
submitted by Take a look at the beautiful prom dress collection at uk.millybridal.org and you’ll soon come to find the one, seemingly PERFECT dream dress for your prom. And if you want to make a graceful and everlasting statement, a long prom dress reigns as a true style classic. Shop our ultimate chic collection of prom dresses and you will be pleased to find many looks available in a variety of sizes Prepare to steal the crown and be the ultimate style queen with our sensational prom dresses! Create that perfect formal look and shop with UK next day delivery. Discover fabulous prom dresses from our luxury and boutique brands, this prom season. Be different and find a prom gown to wow + fast delivery + free UK returns. A lot of the best prom dress websites mentioned above have a great selection of plus size pieces but if you want to go with a site that's dedicated entirely to plus size clothing, Eloquii should Don't take a chance and get tricked into buying a counterfeit dress! Buying prom dresses online doesn't have to be risky. The prom dress stores listed below have been manually verified to help protect YOU from getting ripped off! Many people end up at this page after searching for prom dresses near me. So while you are here, have a little bit of info about the best prom dress websites we Buy Cheap Prom Dresses 2020 Online at QueenaBelle UK Shop. 100% Authentic & Genuine Guaranteed. Large Selection from 3000+ prom styles with 30+ colours and all sizes available. Free Customization. Ships to UK & Ireland, etc. I was nervous to order a prom dress online especially so close to my prom date. the dress came perfectly in time and fit me extremely well!! the beading is also beautiful. it is a gorgeous dress and I didn't match a single person at the dance. I got so many compliments all night. Shop Now. Worn by Melissa. 165. I received my wedding dress .. I just love it .. thank you very much. Shop Now The latest 2020 prom dress & wedding dress UK is less than 100 you can buy, and top quality. Ladypromdress.co.uk is a professional special occasion dresses online shop in uk to provide trendy prom dresses uk, cheap wedding dresses, inexpensive prom gowns, cheap prom dresses 2020 and other special occasion dresses shipping to world, free returns, custom available. Yourdress 2021 Long Prom Evening Dresses UK Online. £117.99 42. More Color Options / Custom-size Option Add to Cart. Long Sleeves Green Mermaid Long Evening Gown. £94.99 21. More Color Options / Custom-size Option Add to Cart. Modest Affordable Wedding Dress Long Evening Dress. £89.99 80. More Color Options / Custom-size Option Add to Cart. Yourdress Mermaid Long Prom Evening Dress. £95.99 The best prom dresses to shop from Topshop, Debenhams, ASOS, River Island, Miss Selfridges and other UK brands.
Today I am trying affordable prom dresses from Hebeos!I post new video's Fridays & Sundays & sometime's Tuesdays!Subscribe here http://bit.ly/2FMI05qInstagra... In today's video I am trying prom dresses from FashionNova.com! I post new video's Fridays + Bonus videos!! Subscribe here http://bit.ly/2FMI05q Instagram: @... check out www.jjshouse.com for some of the cutest prom dresses xxalso, forgot to mention you can use my code MISHA for a cheeky discount xohere are the link... Literally, this was such a fun video to film! Should I order another category of items from WISH?? Also keep a look out for my next video: Cheap Halloween Co... Prom dress season is right around the corner so I wanted to show you my picks asap!! Expand for details:Follow me on IG: http://instagram.com/rachspeed--Use ... Finally trying prom dresses from Forever 21!! Enjoy :) New videos Friday & Sunday! :D Instagram: @miamaples Snapchat: @miamaples Twitter: @miamapless